I’m a Mean Conservative

I want the old Republican Party back!

Republican Party HQ

Republican Party HQ

For the longest time, liberals painted Republicans as mean, uncaring, selfish, rich jerks voraciously gobbling up all of the country’s wealth at the expense of the poor and downtrodden.  These descriptions were extrapolated from the truth.  Conservatives aren’t mean, but we do think you should provide for yourself if you’re able.  We’re not uncaring, though our brand of “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” tough love could be considered so if you’re a bleeding heart Utopian dreamer.  We’re not selfish at all, rather, as Rush Limbaugh is fond of saying, “…there is a difference between selfishness and self-interest.” I agree, and conservatism is based on the liberty to pursue self-interest.  We do not take wealth from others, we create it.  It just so happens that if you work hard you may well accumulate wealth, but by means of production, not of theft.

It is sad, but we no longer carry with us the distinction of the caricature of 1987 and I, for one, miss it.

Since GWB spent and spent and spent, Republicans can’t rightly be called selfish or mean anymore.  And our current congressional caucus is evidently AWOL.  I mean, where are they?  The only Republicans you hear say anything anymore or those we don’t want to hear from.  We can’t get Lindsey Graham to shut up and the real voices of conservatism sit quietly in the shadows.  Speak up already!

So, we’re going to have to take drastic measures.  We need to organize.  I want to be called selfish and mean again!

Here’s the plan…

We convene a meeting of the top minds in the Conservative Movement.

Top Conservative Minds

Top Conservative Minds

Once we have a good group of real conservatives, we can create a new agenda.  One that truly embraces freedom of the individual and subordination of the federal government to the states.  Some of the conservative masterminds above would be a great start (note that Dracula was really misunderstood – he’s a sweetheart deep down).

If we start acting like conservatives again maybe, just maybe, we can recapture our long lost stereotype that I have come to miss.  As it stands now we are just limp, lifeless, empty suits with nothing to say.  It is sad when the leaders of the party can be found most easily Twitter and nowhere in the halls of Congress – even when they’re present.

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