The 2012 election began with the Barack Hussein Obama campaign launch in Tucson, Arizona a few weeks ago. Then, in the second campaign stop in as many weeks, BHO took to the stump at State of The Union. This second stop was particularly effective. And why not? Billed as “The State of the Union Story Time and Imagination Club” it was sure to be a real crowd-pleaser. The theme of the new campaign seems to be “investing in the future.” Of course, it makes perfect sense…just need to spend a little more money. I mean, all we need to do is get enough tax money to BHO and he’ll make sure to change the weather.
But I digress. The reason the BHO campaign kickoff is important is because we need to get the lineup ready on the conservative side. We’ve got a bunch of guys on the Injured Reserve list and a whole s**t-load of third stringers, so here is a breakdown of who the players are and what we think is going to happen to them. Counting down from “No Chance,” through “Useful,” to “Dream Team Picks, or sort of” lets go through them all…
Jeb Bush – Please, please, please don’t let ole Jeb run. We don’t even need to get into a policy discussion here: A Bush can’t win, so don’t screw it up for the rest of us. The Bush presidencies have not been terrible. Bush 41 did an okay job. He had the tax increase deal (read my lips), but beyond that, he was kind of run-of-the-mill. Bush 43, well, we all know about him…he had 9/11. Everybody gets that. Bush did an alright job, too. But with an expansion of prescription drug benefits, and declaring that “I have to sacrifice free market principles to save the free market,” he got a few demerits from the conservative movement. Fast forward to Jeb. Well, who cares? With the enormous baggage from brother and Dad, Jeb has no chance regardless of his policy stances.
Michael Bloomberg – Uggghh. Put this guy into a lineup with Lindsey Graham, John McCain, Olympia Snowe, Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski and Arlen Specter (Arlen just for good measure) and guess what? You won’t be able to tell them apart. Bloomberg is a classic lefty and deserves nothing but scorn from the conservative movement. Bloomberg, in addition to supporting a cadre of liberals in all kinds of political races, also like the idea of the government regulating things like what you eat, whether or not you smoke and the like. He thinks abortion is just fine and dandy and to put his exclamation point on his unworthiness, he came down on the wrong side of the ground-zero mosque.
Chris Christie – I wanted so bad to like Christie. Actually, I don’t dislike him. But to repeat what he often says about himself, he’s not ready to be president. No question that Christie understands the damage that public sector unions are doing to the country. He also seems to have a real grasp on market economics. What Christie lacks, is judgment. His nomination of Sohail Mohammed to the NJ Superior Court bench shows a stunning lack of judgment. What, with Mohammed having ties to terrorism and all.
Haley Barbour – as the governor or Mississippi, Barbour certainly has the bona fides to run. We hope he doesn’t. He’s not terrible, but Barbour is just one of dozens of old school Washington pols who lacks what we need today. There are news stories all over the web describing him as a “power broker.” Well, we don’t need a power broker; we need a conservative Frank Dux to kick the crap out of all things progressive. Plus, let’s face it…Barbour kinda reminds me of Sheriff Buford T. Justice as portrayed by Jackie Gleason.
John Thune – The Senator from South Dakota. Operative word: Senator. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Wait, yes there is…Thune is a Tarpy. Sorry – for those not in the know:
Tarpy: /tar-pee/ – 1. noun – one who publicly supported the troubled asset relief program (TARP) 2. adjective – to display elitism and snobbery in thinking that people are too stupid to operate without benefit of the federal government. Usage: The tarpy senator from South Dakota said the Earth would explode if the government didn’t spend $800 Billion.
Thune was one of the chickens crowing about the sky falling and supported TARP. So one might say, “…a lot of conservatives supported TARP.” That may well be true, and if so, it is a BIG demerit. This just tells me the Thune’s instinct is that the government should, or must, be used to manage the economy. He does have a few good things going for him, like personality and energy, but not enough. We need the real deal for 2012.
Newt Gingrich – Here’s the first of the people who should run, but only in the primary,since he can’t win. Most people who will be voting remember Gingrich from the 1995 conservative uprising. He was the architect of the Contract With America and is definitely a thinker. Some great ideas are coming out of Newt’s head. Here’s the problem: He can’t win. Newt was so demonized in the 90’s that I don’t think he’ll ever recover. Personal issues, some (unfounded) ethical issues, and voila, we have a loser. That being said, Gingrich can do a great job at shaping a primary debate. He will pull the conversation into practical, results-oriented conservatism, which is what we need. We’re looking for a primary run, but only to serve the stated purpose – not to win.
Mike Huckabee – He can’t win because of his goofy-ass name. There, I said it. Call me petty, call me a bully, whatever. Truth is, marketing counts. The country won’t vote for “Huckabee.” But…we did vote for a guy named Barack Hussein Obama, so maybe I’m off the reservation on this. Hmmm…..better re-think. Okay – maybe he could win, but the guy is just a little too populist for me. We need someone who passes the conservative purity test just a bit better. Like Gingrich, he’ll make a fine addition to the primary, but nothing more. He might be a bit dangerous because he could make a surprise primary win and then we’d be stuck with him – and then the name thing… Oh, never mind. Huckabee is not the guy.
Tim Pawlenty – Oh puleeeze. I’m hearing his name more and more and I don’t like it. He should just stay home and be a good Republican. My problem with Pawlenty is that he’s too quick to use the gubment. He says he would have done the Stimulus in a different way. He mentions using money for “infrastructure projects.” What? That’s a bunch of Keynesian bulls**t. So, out of one side of his mouth he speaks against the chicken little Stimulus crowd, but then suggests doing the same freakin’ thing. I’ve had enough of these politicians, haven’t you?
Mitt Romney – Polished. Square. Good looking. Speaks well. Business experience. He’s like a caricature of a presidential candidate. And he also socialized medicine in MA in the name of political expediency. He should have abolished that piece of crap before it grew and then campaigned on how he learned his lesson; then I’d be a Romney supporter. Oh yeah, I could care less what religion he is. Sheesh. Still – too cookie cutter. Too middle of the road. Too polished. Stay out of the race, Mr. Romney.
Bobby Jindal – I like this guy. Especially, I like how he was sticking it to Obama during the Gulf oil spill. Obama is out there claiming to be doing a great job and Jindal is out there saying, “WTF?” Funny. This guy has some fire in the belly and some pretty solid conservative views. He’s a little lanky and sheepish looking, which could be a problem (Where’s Ronaldus Maximus?!). Jindal coul,d be a nice VP choice though I am secretly holding out for Sarah Palin in that role. Did I just say that out loud?
Mitch Daniels – Squich, squich, squich. Oops, sorry…I seem to have stepped in an ankle deep puddle. Squish, squish, squish. Does he have the personality? I doubt it – I’m looking for a firebrand conservative. Does he have the policy ideas? I doubt it – I want someone not afraid to call for the dissolution of the Department of Education and the privatization of Social Security. Is he a darling of the Main Stream Media? Yep. I wonder why??
Paul Ryan – I like Paul Ryan. When he showed up at the Health Care Summit and tore Barack a new a**hole on national TV, it was priceless. For 7 minutes, Ryan deconstructed Obamacare and exposed it as the fraud that it is. Ryan is not so charismatic, but for the ass-whooping he gave little Barry, he didn’t need charisma. He had facts. Cold, hard facts presented in an easy to understand way. This guy is good. The big problems he has is that 1) most don’t think he has the spunk to go up against the Democrat attack machine and 2) he says he doesn’t want to. I wish he would run, but I don’t think he will.
Sarah Palin – Uggghhhh, this gives me heartburn. There is something… je ne sais quoi. I am scared to death for Palin at the top of the ticket. I’m not sure why. Maybe the Main Stream Media has pierced my bulls**t armor and has me thinking that she’s just too divisive. Maybe it’s because she had a reality show. Maybe it’s because she’s not as glib and witty as I might like. All of those things…. BUT. She is the kind of conservative I want. Not afraid to say what she thinks. Has the right positions on freedom, individual liberty, State rights, life, the war on terror. She has so much. I’m not yet willing to come right out for Sarah, but damned if I’m not close. I mean…did you see her shoot that caribou?! Lady goes on national TV and shoots a f-ing caribou! On that alone, she’s at the top of the list. Still holding off on an endorsement.
Kinda leaves you wanting, eh? Let’s see how this shakes out… I’d be remiss if I didn’t address the left side too. I suppose it deserves at least a mention. Obama will be the guy, unless we find out he isn’t qualified to run (that’d be some story!). That aside, he’ll be the guy. The nice part about that is now Obama has a record. I, for one, plan on using Obamacare as a rhetorical bludgeon at every turn. And Porkulus too. And all of the foreign policy blunders. And the 9% unemployment. The thing is, it wouldn’t surprise me if Obama gets a challenge from the left/right/middle of the Democrat party. When the party folks realize how weak he is, we may see a Hilary surprise. Nobody else could do it. But maybe Hilary is in for the long con – gunning for 2016. We won’t know for a few months. But it wouldn’t surprise me in the least.