At a campaign stop in Ohio today, Barack Obama blamed Hurricane Sandy on Mitt Romney and the Republicans in Congress. The President’s spokesman clarified the sentiment by explaining how Obama can change the weather in a second term, and that Romney should take responsibility for any injuries that may be caused from the massive storm.
“When I took office, it was the moment the rise of the oceans began to fall, and the earth began to heal. But policies pursued by Mitt Romney and his Republican cohorts in Congress have stymied our path to a peaceful planet. Hurricane Sandy is a direct result of my opponent’s failure to act on an issue of vital importance,” President Obama said to a fawning crowd of 37 supporters.
He continued, “All we asked is that the fat cats on Wall Street pay a little more because we need their down payment for policies that will change the weather and prevent disasters like Hurricane Sandy. In my second term, we will change the weather for good. Fall is my favorite season, if we invest tax dollars properly, maybe we’ll have more of that.”
Jay Korney, the Whitehouse Spokesman, held a conference call at 2:00 EST and was challenged by Pat Henry from Fox News. Henry asked, “Isn’t it a stretch to blame a hurricane on Mitt Romney?” With his usual wit and charm, Korney replied, “Mitt Romney has been a champion for policies that have a direct impact on ocean levels. All the scientists we have talked to from the Environmental League of Weather Changers (ELWC) agree that the increased CO2 levels increase the frequency and intensity of these storms.” Then, to a stunned press pool he added, “We think that if we can confiscate more tax dollars, we can change the weather. If anyone is injured or killed, Mitt Romney will have blood on his hands.”
Shortly after the conference call ended, Debbie Wasserman-Shultz commented, “Romney and his brain trust of extremists have long been plotting to tear down entire cities, in order to provide investment fodder for Bain Capital.” When pressed for more, Wasserman-Shultz said that Bibi Netanyahu had provided intelligence proving that Romney had his sites on a Bain Capital takeover of lower Manhattan. Netanyahu denies he has ever spoken with Wasserman-Shultz.
The story is still developing. Bill O’Reilly aired a Talking Points Memo that highlighted what is now being called “Sandygate” by some in the media. O’Reilly even sent his crack producer, Jessie Waters, out to do man-on-the-street interviews. One Obama supporter, said, “When I first voted for Barack Obama, I knew I would no longer have to worry about my mortgage, or making my car payment. I just don’t understand why he didn’t lower the oceans more.” he went on to say that he held Romney personally responsible for the storm. Teary eyed he said, “Romney did this! All he cares about is money!”
Michelle Obama, an outspoken environmentalist, is unavailable for comment as she left Washington early this morning with 44 of her closest friends for a two week getaway in Tahiti.
Editors note: For you leftist readers…satire stings most when it’s based on truth. You fools who commented all the crap about libel need to 1) get a life and 2) look inward – maybe there are some things about your political positions that need changing.