Eddie Murphy to Paul Ryan…

I hear the GOP is not getting many donations.

Good.

They don’t deserve them.

Why on earth would I send money to a bunch of clowns, who have no idea what to say to the American people, or how to say it?

I’ve been getting emails from Paul Ryan…Team Ryan. I’ve counted some dozen emails over the last month. Not one of these emails says anything to me other than, “We have to win! Send money.”

But Ryan doesn’t give me a reason to help him win.

Here is the full text from yesterday’s email:

We wanted to make sure you didn’t miss your chance to chip in before tonight’s MIDNIGHT deadline.

This is our biggest fundraising deadline yet, so we can’t afford to come up short.

Please contribute $100, $50, $25, or whatever you can afford today to support Paul and help us grow our majority in the House.

Yay!

Not.

Sorry.

Eddie Murphy said it best when he said, “What have you don for me lately.” …Or was it Janet Jackson? But I digress.

The point is, wanting to win doesn’t do anything for me. We have no attachment to the GOP. Congress has a 12% approval rating. What makes them think anybody want to “help them win?”

How about a real message?

I don’t even know what the hell the GOP stands for anymore. This is why I have no use for them.

Check this out – here are a few more messages from Team Ryan:

From September 28, 2014
Friend,

The next few weeks will determine the outcome of this election, so we need to make sure we have the resources on hand to win

Will you chip in $100, $50, $25, or whatever you can afford today to help us reach our final end of quarter goal?

Hitting our goal is important that all donations will be triple matched – making every dollar you give worth $4.

And with any contribution of $100 or more, I’d like to send you a signed copy of my new book, The Way Forward.

Friend, I could really use your help before Tuesday’s big deadline. Will you step up today?

Thanks,

From September 26, 2014
Friend,

There’s not much time left in the cycle, but there’s still a lot of work to do to make sure I win my re-election and Republicans grow our majority in the House.

That’s why I’m reaching out to you today. Our biggest FEC deadline yet is just days away, and I could use your help once again.

We’ve worked so hard all year. With less than 40 days to go, now isn’t the time to slow up and start missing goals – especially when House Democrats hold a $30 million fundraising advantage.

Can I ask for your help once again? Your contribution of $100, $50, $25, or whatever you can afford today will make the difference in our fight to bring bold, sweeping reform to Washington.

And all donations will be triple matched – maximizing your impact in this year’s fight.

Thanks for all you do.

From September 12, 2014
Friend,
I wanted to make sure you didn’t miss your opportunity to have your gift triple matched.

At the end of the month, we’ll face our most important FEC deadline of the cycle. This is our opportunity to close the gap on the Democrats’ massive fundraising advantage. We can’t afford to come up short.

If you’ve been waiting to chip in, now is the time your support will have a major impact. Your contribution today is needed to help our candidates fund their media buys and build the grassroots operation needed to win on Election Day.

With the President’s legacy riding on the outcome of this election, the Democrats are making an aggressive play to win full control of Washington. It’s up to us to stop them.

Contribute $100, $50, $25, or whatever you can afford today to do your part to help conservatives win in 2014. Remember, all donations will be triple matched.

Thanks,

And I have 12 more emails from Team Ryan or Paul Ryan that say the same thing: “Send Money.”

No. Nope. Not gonna do it.

Give me a freakin reason!

Instead of those stupid emails, how about one like this:

Dear Patriot,

Do you worry about losing basic freedoms? About how your kids will be able to succeed in life? About how you will pay for your medical expenses? About how the political correct madness is changing the country?

I worry about these things too.

I look at my three kids and it breaks my heart to think that the country that I grew up in may not be the same country they face as adults.

We can change it.

With your help we can:

  • Repeal Obamacare once and for all
  • Stop spending money on entitlements that is wasted by drug addicts and deadbeats
  • Create tax policies that let you keep more of the money you earn
  • Bring back the spirit that made the USA the greatest country the world has ever seen

We can do these things but we need your support. If we can come up with $25,000 we can run commercials all over Wisconsin that will promote this message. Low taxes, more freedom and more success. It starts with your donation, large or small.

Let’s leave our kids a country in which they can achieve greatness.

We can do this.

Sincerely,

Paul Ryan

Now what’s so hard about that? Damn – if I got that email from Ryan, I might just send him some money! But no, all I get is: “We have to win.”

Who gives a rat’s ass about winning if it is all for nothing?

Ryan may be a marketing buffoon.  But Eddie Murphy is a genius.  (I’m not sure what ole Eddie’s politics are, and don’t much care – he’s hilarious.)  Remember this?

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